League of Ghetto
by dudeaga
Summary: "gg wp easy write more" "Worst story NA 0/10 would shoot" "I'm from the future! TAKE THIS OFF KAYNE WEST WILL SOON EAT THE CHICKEN" Just some of the (actually existent) reviews describing this story. Read it anyway! It has ghetto music and rich people trying to act ghetto!
1. Chapter 1

League of Crude Ghetto Speak

(A/N Because I can do nothing but gritty Wire inspired parodies. Fuck yeah lack of skill!)

Inspired by-Lord of the Pimp: The Quest for Teemo's Soul (Too much inspiration)

The Wire

Songs recommended to enhance your ghetto tour experience:

NWA-Fuck The Police

2pac-Last Wordz

NWA-Straight Outta Compton

NWA-Gangsta Gangsta

Any gangster rap that refers to either: 1. Having anal with women that have large butts, 2. Shooting a "bitch ass nigga"

The Ghetto near The Institute of War

Just another day-in the ghetto! So obviously some shit had to go down. And it was. Because what else happens in the ghetto? Character development? Soft-hearted family-friendly action? FUCK NO, THIS SOME HARDCORE GHETTO SHIT SON. WEST SIDDDEEEEEEEEE. Anyway, there were three ghetto-ass Summoners doing some ghetto-ass shit. Except they weren't very ghetto. They were some spoiled nobles who had a talent for magic. They only acted like gangsters because they had a Nine Millimeter...Penis (A/N Yes you can shoot me now) and they needed to compensate.

"Sheeeeeeeeeit son, dis mothafucka tried to gank me 5v1 but then I turned around and popped a cap in his ass, cuz they bitch ass-"

Fiora walked by and the chatty summoner quickly became silent. Until Fiora was out of range, of course.

"Daayyyyuuummmmmm, look at that ass yo! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit."

The rather talkative summoner you have been listening to for about ten seconds was named Daniel. And he wasn't very gangster at all. Rather skinny and pale, you could tell he didn't get out much. At all.

"Hey, are the rest of you gonna talk? It's gettin' kinda lonely up here-"

"Bitch ain't nobody ask yo ass for something. Sheeeeit. Bitch ass cunt nig-"

This rather foul-mouthed Summoner was named LCS360Hardscope#YOLOSWAG420. For the sake of convenience, we'll just call him LCS. Another rather skinny and pale guy, he's the kind of guy who would just cuss instead of making actual conversation.

"Ya'll should be askin' this bitch ass to talk, this mothafucka ain't neva talk in 'is goddamn life, I fuckin' swear."

"I don't talk because ya'll asses talk too much already. Sheeeeeeit, police could be anywhere. Pigs fuckin' everywhere wit' 'em sight wards, ya 'erd."

And the final summoner in this rather generic piece of shitty exposition was Spider. Probably the only one who could pass for being gangster, he was part of one of the gangs fighting for control of the Ghetto near The Institute of War.

"So ya'll ready for this shit?"

The answer was a resounding yes. Being rather bored and wanting to live a "gangster" life, they were preparing for their initiation into the gang.

"So lemme explain. We gonna drive real slow past this punk ass mark on this here corner, pull out our HexTech Revolvers, pop a cap in his bitch ass, drive away, and ditch the weapons in the gutter. Ya'll bitches understand?"

The nervous silence implied compliance and a want to get this over with.

"A'ight, let's go."

They all hopped into a rather unremarkable Zaunite hover car.

"Damn son! Ya'll can't at least affo' no car wit some rims or some shit?"

"Shut up mothafucka, you wanna stand out while commitin' murda? Sheeeeeeeit."

That shut up the other two rather quickly.

The Corner of the "Bitch Ass"

0700 hours

Spider, LCS, Daniel

"Spider, dis some dramatic shit! Why 'e 'ave to kill a nigga to get 'to the crew? Can't we just do something like grab some ass then run away?"

"Nigga, this ain't High School. Dis is just normal err' day life in the ghetto, wit' a murder err' day."

"CSI Piltover never prepared me for this! I thought all murders were tragic stories about white women getting knifed and the chasin' the bad guy and the emotional family fallout and-"

Spider turned around in his seat to face Daniel.

"Well ya shoulda watched The Wire. This is real fuckin' life, and ain't no bitch asses callin' the cops to us by killin' white people."

The car went silent as their target approached. The target wasn't that different from any other person on the Corner, chilling out in a lawn chair. Oddly though, he looked afraid.

Spider drove the car quickly past the Corner. Daniel and LCS unloaded on "Bitch Ass."

All was well until a gunshot shattered the back hood of their car.

"OH SHIT MOTHAFUCKA GET YO BITCH ASS OUT OF HERE DAMN SPIDA FLOOR DAT SHIT SQUEEZE IT NIGGA AHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Meanwhile, in a building nearby...

"Cupcake, I don't quite remember assassins doing drive-bys screaming like a little bitch. What did you do?"

"I shot the window to incapacitate the driver. One of the shooters blocked my bullet."

"Still doesn't explain why the other shooter's hysterical and screaming like a BITCH."

"I don't know why either. Maybe they were gay or something?"

Back to our "heroes"

Spider was flooring the gas pedal.

"DAMN NIGGA, WHY U SCREAMIN' SO LOUD. HE AIN'T EVEN DEAD. IT JUST GRAZED HIS MOTHAFUCKIN' SHOULDER. YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?!"

But Daniel's screaming was the least of Spider's worries.

"How did they know about our assassination, anyway?"

(insert Terminator 2 Theme here)

END CHAPTER 1

DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHNNNNNNNNNN

(A/N GG WP Pls don't report. Anyway, any mistakes you see, comments, criticisms, flames, anything at all-press that review button. Do eet.)


	2. Chapter 2

Generic "The Plot Thickens" Chapter in every Parody that changes the Writing Tone

Chapter 2

"In which the theme of the chapter is in the epitaph to make the story more dramatic"- Some asshole that can only write meta-fiction

A few hours after the shooting

"A traitor...hmm..."

Spider was musing on the next course of action. A traitor was no laughing matter, unless the traitor was Shaco.

"MUHAHAHAHHA I'M A TRAITOR MOTHAFUCKKKAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS-"

"Amusing thought, but not relevant. At all. I suppose the most prudent thing to do would be to inform the boss."

Spider left the room in a calm demeanor.

In the Institute of War

"Summoner LCS, is everything ok? Your tactics that game were truly, truly, truly, outrageous."

LCS was rather shaken up by the whole event. Because most people usually /do/ have trouble murdering someone.

"I'm fine Taric...just need some time alone."

LCS was about to go away until Spider showed up.

"Spider? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk to the boss. Since you're here, you might as well come along."

Taric and LCS followed Spider into a maintenance room.

"Why is Taric here? I though-"

Taric immediately pushed LCS up against the wall. But not in a gay way.

"Listen. And be quiet. I'm gonna go on an exposition monologue, so you best be prepared for a wall of text."

LCS nodded his head dumbly.

"Most people see me and usually say one of two things once reading my lore. Either 'Taric's a private man,' or 'Taric's gay must ship Ez x Taric OTP.' Anyone that does deeper digging would believe that the last is true. That I am gay. However, that is just an elaborate lie made to conceal and deceive people from finding out my true life. Think of a box. Now this box has one string. When you pull the string, it reveals a hidden layer underneath with money. Now, most people would think that the money is all that is trying to be concealed, but pull again and- poof, there's a gun underneath. Stacks of gold. Something that the owner of the box /really/ wanted to conceal. The same idea applies to my lie. I use my 'I'm Gay' life as cover for my real life- that of one of the three Gang Lords that attempt to gain dominion over the slums near the Institute of War. You see, the Institute of War attracts a lot of people. It is in the middle in Valoran, and most people go through this area while on trips. People of all sorts. A veritable nest of willing and potential traders, dealers, buyers. Whoever controls these slums near the Institute of War controls the single most important spot for any drug dealer. An owner could control 60-70% of outgoing drugs moving from Demacia to Noxus, or vice versa, and 40% from any other major drug trading route. This place is a gold mine."

Taric paused dramatically for a second.

"That is why we cannot have any traitors. Traitors mean death is near. Death means police presence. With Caitlyn, Vi, and Kayle given full reign to deal justice throughout these slums, we cannot afford what we in the business call 'heat.' Heat is slang for police presence, by the way."

"But why am I here? I'm no traitor!"

"I believe you, so that's the real reason why you're here."

Taric turned and pushed a bucket that revealed a switch underneath a trapdoor. Pressing the switch, a wall opened up into an armory. An armory full of the latest HexTech guns. Assault Rifles like the Mk 37, Sub Machine Guns like the Hex-12, Personal Defense Weapons, Double Action Pistols, Single Action Pistols, Tacticool AR-15's, Shotguns, Sniper Rifles, Fully Automatic Dildo Launchers, the works.

"We don't think you're a traitor. We believe your friend is. And that he has very powerful friends. Police friends. People that we want to neutralize as threats to our organization. And we need your help, because what we are about to do will throw these slums into war. No corner will be safe, no drug dealer left alive, it's either us or them. We will leave no one alive. No mercy.

LCS shit his pants.

End of Chapter 2

(A/N Yep, tone change. Huehuehue, don't you just hate it when stories do that? Anyway, gg wp, review pls.)


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